Let's get ready for school!

Getting ready for the new school year requires new notebooks, pencils and binders, for sure. But how can you get your child or adolescent prepared for the emotional, social and academic rigors of a new year? There are some concrete steps you can take now! But first, go back to YOUR youth. What it was like when summer was nearing the end and you were thinking about going back to school? What did you feel? What do you wish an adult had told you or supported you around?

Now more than ever, kids are inundated with stressors: homework, after school activities, grades, social pressure (not to mention social media!) and the general stress of living in a city whizzing by them every day. So what can you do? Below I'll give you some tips on how to start the conversation but there are some general themes that should be discussed:

1) Academic expectations

2) Lifestyle and responsibilities at home

3) Social life

Think of the most important values you want to be emphasized in your home. Responsibility? Empathy? Respect? Use these core values to guide the conversations you have with your kids. Remember don't have all of these conversations at once. You're starting now so you can spread them out over the next few weeks! Here are some ways to start the conversations with the above themes in mind. These conversations will change based on the age of your child.

1) What are your academic goals for the year? How can I help you achieve those?

-really be open to listening to your child's response. If they say they only need one reminder to do their homework each afternoon, hear that and try to respect it. If one reminder does not end up being enough, you can revisit the conversation and agree on additional supports you can provide.

-maybe you and your child decide that to concentrate best in class, they need at least 8 hours of sleep. Help develop a bedtime routine that will sustain this and therefore impact their grades in a positive way.

2) Let's talk about what the schedule is when you get home from school each day.

-Maybe your child has 30 minutes to have a snack and relax before starting their homework.

- Is there a specific environment where your child is expected to do their work each afternoon? Will there be music playing in the background? Will they have access to their cell phone while doing homework?

-If your child gets a significant amount of homework, do they need a 15-20 minute break every hour? Can they chose a relaxing activity to do during that break?

*remember collaborating with your child to create a routine can help reduce anxiety for both you and your child*

*sometimes a Family Contract can be helpful so that expectations are clearly written down for all to see. Check out this website for examples of contracts or you can make your own to suit your needs*

3) What activities will you do or do you want to do that are non academic?

-Do they play a sport or musical instrument that requires after school lessons or practice? If so, when and how often will this happen? Perhaps you need a calendar in an accessible place in the home for all to see.

-Is your child allowed to watch TV, play video games, go on Facebook or Snapchat, etc. during the week? If so, when and for how long can this happen?

-Does your child also have chores around the home? Even when kids have a lot of their own responsibilities, giving them responsibilities around the home can build a sense of responsibility and empathy towards others. KJ Dell'Antonia discusses this in her NYTimes article.

4) Let's talk about your friends and social life!

-Can your child access anyone on their social media? Do you need to be able to monitor a computer or phone that they keep in their room if they have one?

- When your child makes new friends would you like the opportunity to meet them and/or their parents?

-What kinds of activities is your child allowed to engage in with their friends and how often will you check in with them?

-Does your child know what bullying looks like? What can they do if they are experiencing it or if someone they know is?

Though it may seem overwhelming to see a list like this, remember it is just a starting point. You will feel out for yourself how much communication and agreements are necessary. If you start these conversations now, it will make for a more pleasant and successful year for both you and your children.